When it comes to men I am…was, by nature, overly defensive and quick to be snippy. It’s something I’ve always had to fight against with my husband. I would find myself initiating uncomfortable tension between us by coming at him with a sharp attitude that wasn’t warranted. That being said, as I’ve grown with God I have had to learn to cast off the old me and trust in God. It’s been a difficult fight at times but definitely rewarding. Faith in God can accomplish so much more than a testy attitude.
I can remember a situation not long ago when I was very sick with a super cold. You know when women get sick we always soldier through and still take care of everyone and everything, but then when our husbands catch that same cold they are incapacitated in every way requiring someone to wait on them hand and foot. Usually, no matter how sick I am, I’m still quite a trooper but this time I was zapped of all energy and it was a fight just to keep my eyes open. I was trying to convince our 2 year old to lie down and watch a movie with me so that I didn’t have to move; unfortunately, all he wanted to do was jump on the bed… and me. As I was using every bit of energy to not slip into a coma, my husband pulls out his helmet and says, “I’m gonna go for a motorcycle ride (which usually lasts two hours at the minimum). See you later, okay?” As my blood pressure spiked through the ceiling and my “old man” wanted to tell him exactly where he should ride his inconsiderate self to, I did something I wouldn’t have thought possible 10 years ago. I stopped the unpleasant barrage that was about to spew out of my mouth, and I took control of my flesh. I fought off the look of death that was dying to flood my face and gave him a pleasant smile and said, with a raspy voice, “OK, babe.” Thankfully, he immediately walked out the door before my old man could hurl a shoe at him. I made a conscious decision to take my fight to God and not my husband. The second that door shut I was in prayer. On the verge of tears, I told God that I wanted to be respectful to His word and be the Proverbs-type of wife but He needed to open my husband’s heart to the selfishness of his actions. I trusted in God’s word that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. In that state, I was not able to communicate to my husband without being very hurtful, but I could talk to God who works out all things for those who trust in Him. CHOOSING to fight your flesh instead of your husband and abiding in God’s word by putting off your feelings and showing respect to your husband shows your faith in God’s word. I cried out to Him and He worked His miracles as He always does. Less than ten minutes after that door shut, it opened back up, and in walked my husband. I didn’t even have to say a word. He told me that by the time he got to the second traffic light down our street he felt so bad that he had to turn around. “I couldn’t go for a ride when you’re so sick. That was selfish of me. I’m going to take the little guy to the park so you can rest.” What?! Rewind! Anyone who knows my husband before he turned his life to God would not believe those words came out of his mouth. Tell me God is not good!
If I had gone around the same old mountain and never trusted in God enough to try to enact the principles of His word in my life I would have started a nasty fight with my husband (in front of our innocent son). We both would’ve wound up in miserable, nasty moods the rest of the day (and probably some bitterness that would linger longer than that) with a scared, confused and hurt child. Instead, God’s word was trusted and it reaped God-like results. This is just one instance of many many more situations where I have CHOSEN to grow in the things of God and CHOSE to put His ways above my own and truly seek Him. And I’ve got to tell you, it may not be in my time but He ALWAYS works the situation out so much better than I ever could have imagined! I trust that if I do as God’s word instructs, He will do as His word says and work out ALL things for those who trust in Him. And I’m not saying to use prayer to get your husband to do whatever you want. More often than not, the time you spend in prayer and the results attained are to change your own heart not your spouse’s. Trust me, there have been times where God showed me that I needed to change my perspective and look at a situation in a different light. And once again, as I trusted in Him, the situation worked out better than I could’ve ever hoped for.
As you take that step in faith to push down your flesh and trust in the spirit God you will be rewarded for your effort. Faith is a journey and He will walk with you but you must take the first step. It takes faith to put aside how you feel things should be done and to seek God first before you disrespect your husband, or before you start a fight. However, if you stand on His word and don’t allow yourself to be moved from His promises you cannot fail. His word says to not worry about anything but pray about everything. Your marriage is one the most important aspects of your life; you need to be praying in earnest care for it and for the husband whom God has blessed you with. My very wise pastor once said something to the effect of “Don’t forget that you are a team fighting to solve the problem not fighting each other because of the problem.” Next time you feel a fight coming on, take a step back and let God go before you.