Under Development

A post from his perspective. Welcome Chris DeBehnke, the husband to Nicole. One of the founders of ProjectWomanhood.com.

I want to write to you about the “why” question. Why do so many people under achieve? Is it truly because they don’t have opportunity or do they not know how to read the compass of the heart and dreams? About three years ago I was getting my scuba certification. It was a lot of fun and exciting. It was a new world in my own back yard! One of the first things we went over with the instructor was how to read a compass under water because it is so easy to get separated from your diving partner. It is so easy to get lost in the beauty of the moment and not realize you are getting off course or you might be going in a completely different direction than you wanted. When we are young, so many of us have such big dreams that seem so attainable, but what happens? We don’t pay attention to the compass of our hearts. We hang out with people that are so much fun to hang out with but we don’t focus on our built-in compass. We become disoriented with the progression of our life and don’t realize that our present course has subtly changed our trajectory.

Whose fault is it then? Many people at this point in their life start playing the blame game. It makes us feel so much better with the change in our life’s direction to not believe it is our fault for not captaining our life properly. It may seem hard to swallow but it is true. Successful people do three things very well.
1) They identify, make a decision, and commit to their decision. They identify a problem or solution by spending time with their internal compass. They ask the question, “Do these choices draw me closer to my dreams or put me further from my dreams?”
2) When the first question is answered they make a decision. Sometimes the decisions are very difficult and there might be some hurt feelings as a result of the decision but it was necessary for them to stay on course.
3) They are committed to their decision. No matter how hard or difficult their decision was they stay committed to it. Why do they stay so committed to their decision? Because not attaining their goals and dreams would hurt them more than hurting someone else’s feelings. They could not live in a world where they sold themselves out. Successful people don’t justify compromise in their minds; their decision to go after their dreams has justified their actions. I encourage you to spend time with your inner compass so you can identify, make a decision, and commit to it.


Success is not just about a vast fortune but an achievement of one’s dreams and desires. Yes, there are different fields that allow for significantly larger fortunes to be made but fortunes alone don’t bring happiness. If that were the case then everyone who had a large fortune would be happy. And we all know that is simply not the case. Life is about balance. In my opinion, I believe we should have three types of people in our life. People that we pour into and in return get nothing out of the relationship except knowing that they are benefiting and growing as a person based on our pouring into them. We need people that are our peers. These are friends at the same level in our life. Both keep each other motivated and encouraged based on seeing each other achieve their goals. You are equals. Lastly, we need people that just pour into us and we grow as a result. You don’t give them anything other than the benefit that they are pouring into you. Remember that life is full of balance. All three categories should be similar to each other or you will get off track.
Life is amazing! I hope this has helped you in some way. Remember, you can control the direction of your life.


With hope,

Chris DeBehnke the lucky guy to call Nicole his wife!


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