Today I will wait upon the Lord. For he has mercy in our confusion. Though we waver, He wavers not.
Have you ever been completely lost after something tragic happend in your life? Well, I have and so did David (A great man that also suffered tragedy and wrote most of the Psalms in the Bible). I lost my little sister this past Christmas suddenly. Oh how I remember how deeply my heart broke and cried out for help, and in that moment I heard nothing. The silence from heaven and depression I began to experience was draining as I lost myself to tragedy. It was the worst moment of my life, completely unexpected and shocking. I felt lost for a while and didn’t know how to talk to God. Truly the darkest time of my life.
But my dear friend reminded me that even David cried out to God in anger and felt as though the Lord turned his back on him and yet God called David a man after is own heart. I know that I am called by God a woman after his heart even when I go through pain and anger. But just like David, I continue to seek God and in due time Gods goodness will be mine again. I’ll be able to see it all around me stronger than before. I never what to feel so separated from God again but that’s life sometimes. Not that God separates us but that sometimes the trials and pains of life cause us to withdraw from him. Thankfully he is so generous in patience, mercy and real understanding that he does not lose heart with us.
I know one thing to be true. It is that Gods love for us is just as strong in our weakness as it is in our strength. No matter how mad or confused, lost scared, hurt or let down I feel. I cannot shake this burning in my heart that God is still good and loving. Even though I don’t know why or how things happen the way they do. Even when I don’t hear him as I cry out. I cannot deny even in deep sorrow or confusion the love of God for me and ALL of humanity. I know with time I will find my way back to the confidence I once had. I want to be strong but for now I will wait upon Him to bring me back. I will seek and hold strength again. Till then I know the Lord will continue to have mercy on my confused heart.
Is this not what makes Gods love so perfect. That even in or weakness His strength truly is made perfect.